Listening with Empathy

The Key Word is "With"

Listening with empathy is a good skill to develop, especially when dealing with clients. The reason it's good is because it allows you to hear beyond the words - to sense how what the client is saying is affecting him.Listening with empathy is the ability to hear the client and think with (and that’s the key word “with”) the client. It is not about thinking for the client, like so many people tend to do. And it is not thinking about the client. It is far different.

Listening with empathy, if I can drive this key point home, is more about “being with him.” It’s about feeling with him. It’s the ability to move at the same pace with the client.

It takes skill to listen to the client with empathy. The skill takes time and practice to develop, and never thinking you have it mastered. It's not meant to be a manipulative trick or something designed fool to the client into thinking he likes you. If the client likes you, that is a by-product of empathy, because with empathy, it can have a simpatico effect where both parties seem to be on the same wavelength.

Get On The Client's Side of the Desk

Probably the best way to get to establish empathy, is to imagine you are sitting in the client’s chair. You can do this from your home, Starbucks, or the office. (It may be a little challenging to do this as you are sitting across from him, but it can be done.)

How does the world look from his eyes? What does he see when he sees you? Pause and reflect that just for a moment. See what he sees. 

Now, with the image of him seeing you in your head, stay in his chair and think about all the problems he has today. All the things that occurred before you even walked into his office. Think about the problems he faces after you leave. Now think about the what you are wishing to discuss with him today. How are you going to weave it into the things that are affecting his workday? What does this sound like and feel like when you bring it up? Is it addressing something that is affecting him today? Could it be that what you are proposing will prevent a problem? Or is what you are bringing him something that is out-of-sync with his world?

These are important points to ponder. It's not for the amateur, that's for sure. Be you sure you do this - every single time you meet with the client.

Suspending Judgment

Here's something we all like to do, because we are human, is judge others. Judging usually comes in the form of an evaluation. We are trying to label the other person. There is a part of this judging that comes from us trying to determine if this person is in some form a threat to us. This is a throwback to our primordial days, before we so-called "evolved." 

Today judging others is more of figuring out where the person fits into our "labeling" bucket - so our brain can categorize the other person. And it is also a part of us, that wants to be able to tell someone who this person is and what he is like when we talk to others.

If you can suspend judgment - you will be a far better listener. Unfortunately, suspending judgment harder than one would suspect. It’s about removing any judgment, evaluations, labeling, and criticisms that can cloud our frame of reference and get in the way of helping the client solve his problems.

To help suspend judgment and criticism, ask yourself these questions when sitting there listening to the client:

1. What is the nature of the problem?
2. How is the client describing it?
3. What words are coming up repeatedly in his description?
4. What areas does the client deem essential and critical to the solving of his problem?
5. Are there seemingly trivial issues and are there crucial issues?
6. What is crucial to him personally: value? time? prestige? security? acknowledgment?

These questions help focus you on the nature of the problem and keep your mind away from wanting to judge and evaluate the person.

Thinking About Ourselves - Or How To Be More Genuine

Being self-concerned is essentially being human. We are all self-concerned whether we admit it or not. How self-concerned we tend to be is another story, however. It we are so self-concerned to the point of self-absorption, then we block out outside points of reference, ideas, and information trying to get through. On the other hand, too little self-concern creates other problems to the point of acting like a martyr. And even then some would say that is even more self-concern showing up in trying to get others to think well of them.

Thinking too much about ourselves, how we look or how we are coming across, blocks communication. The way around this is to be truly interested in what the client has to say. Listen with your entire body. Feel what he feels, not what you feel or what you want or how you want to be perceived.

When you stop thinking about yourself and how you look - you become - more genuine. The genuineness opens up the communication and the client becomes more at ease in discussing the nature of his problems.

How Would You Address This?

Case Study: Three Confidential Projects

How Would You Address This One?

You talk to the prospective client over the phone. She tells you to, "Please come in. There are three confidential opportunities for you and your company I want to go review with you that we are looking at. I have not told anyone about these three things that we need help with."  She hints as to what the three are - as she has labeled them with titles that sound like what you do - but she does not go into any detail.

Your firm would be the first ones she explains her needs to. This will obviously give you a leg up.

She is a decision maker and she is asking you to keep this a secret as she has not yet socialized this to anyone in her organization.

So you're obviously excited. It's a big deal - in fact all three of these can big deals. 

So you and her agree to the time and date to meet. A week later you fly into town. And you bring along your subject matter expert (SME).

You arrive after a three-hour plane flight.  She is there and se brings with her about six other people. Everyone is nice and pleasant and things seem to be going well in the meeting. Your contact is explaining to you and your SME what she needs with one of the big projects. As she explains you are finding out that this one project is a little out of your sweetspot. The other six people are stakeholders and technical people and they are going through their issues and ideas about the project. 

At about 55 minutes later, she stands up and says, "I have a another meeting to run to. The others can stick around here and proivide more detail."

What would you do at this point? This project is out of your sweetspot (it would be a stretch to perform) - and you have not heard about the other two projects. Remember she has asked you to keep the three projects confidential.

By the way - this is a true story. I was only involved after the fact . . .

Observe Your Own Thoughts - What Is Holding You Back?

Interesting title for a blog designed to enhance and help building a base of long-term, repeat, profitable clients - Yes?

No?

Wait. What?

Observe your own thoughts? What kind of nonsense is this?

How often do you really sit down and take the time to observe what you are thinking about? We know you are a genius - or near genius. You make rapid decisions, split second decisions based upon instinct and experience and knowledge.

Faulty Thoughts?
But have you considered, that some of your thoughts are actually - get this - faulty? Did you ever consider that some of the thoughts you have are from beliefs that your parents, your teachers, your relatives, or religious figures may have passed onto you? And these beliefs are operating underneath your conscious - just under the radar - hard to detect - but are filtering out things that are true (potentially helpful to you) yet you can't see them?

Our beliefs serve us well in most cases. They do filter out things that may not be pertinent to what we need. Or if they didn't we would be able to count the dots in the ceiling tiles in our office in a split second like Rain Man (Dustin Hoffman).

Self-Limiting Beliefs and Concepts
Yet there are self-limiting concepts that we acquired that may not be true for us that we have reinforced throughout the years by believing they were/are true, that really don't serve us well.

Let me give you a couple:
"I am not a good speaker."
"I am not good in front of clients."
"I cannot write well."

Okay. These are somewhat bland and not juicy, like, "I can never find a date." But those kind of beliefs get somewhat personal and this is not an Ann Landers (I know she has passed on) blog site.

But what thoughts do you have swirling around in your head to which you are viewing the world right now?

Are you a little less than confident? Are you a little unsure, unsteady, wobbly?

Rewire Your Thoughts
Observe your thoughts. Capture them in a journal. Ask where did I get this from? What evidence do I have that this is accurate? Rewire yourself. Rewrite the self-limiting thought patterns and design them into a more positive, self-affirming thought pattern. For example, taking from the above: "I am good in front of clients." Then go out and find books and articles and CDs on this subject and read and study how to become good in front of clients. Immerse yourself - flood your mind with the new ideas and strategies. And believe it or not, over time, you begin to put into practice these little ideas you have picked up along the way. And voila, you are now much better in front of clients.

Can it be that simple? Yes. It is that simple.

The Power of Optimism and Positive Action

The Story of John
John is assigned some tough accounts. He has emailed and called 10 people - and none of them are there. No one is answering the phone calls or emails.

He is distressed. It's now 10AM. He is thinking: "What's the use? People are so busy, how am I to get into see a prospect?"

He doesn't want to make anymore calls, so he pretends he has an appointment, and he leaves the office.  What else is there to do?

I don't know where he goes but he comes back in the office later that day at 4PM, shuffles some papers on his desk. He talks to the people around him in the cubicles. Can't help but like John - he is jovial.

He leaves but is back in the office the next day. Similar routine to the day before.

The Story of Megan
Megan is John's competitor across town. She is in the office about 30 minutes earlier than John is.

She too makes 10 calls - no luck either. She too is distressed.

She thinks a little differently and she tries to figure out what to. She all of a sudden recalls something she read some where in a book that some managers have a tendency to come back to their offices around 11:30 to get somethings cleared off their desk before going to lunch.

She decides to give this a try.

So she prepares her list of prospects to call - it's now 9:30. She has two hours. She doesn't have an appointment for the morning, so she asks herself, "What's the best use of my time right now?"

She ponders the answer: I could go down and get a cup of coffee. I could go about calling more prospects - but that won't be fun. Or will it be fun?

She remembers what someone once told her - "Attitude is a state of mind that one chooses. And you can chose a positive or a negative state."

She thinks: "Let's make this fun. Let's see how many more calls and emails I can send out before 11:30AM." She creates a little contest with herself.

So she gets her list of prospects and calls. And sends emails.

She calls one prospect and he answers the phone. "Unbelievable, finally!" she thinks to herself.

She goes into the, "Can I have two minutes to explain who I am" speech? This client says "Sure." But then says "I am not really interested right now. Call back in a few weeks."

Megan, is a little discouraged and then she remembers: Attitude is a chosen state of mind. 

She decides to "trick" herself to look for the good in the situation. She looks at what was accomplished: she got hold of someone! And looking at it from a positive perspective, she believes she should continue to call and email.

She gets two more "hits" - one is a full appointment with a prospect.

It's now 11:30. She goes through her list of prospects and sends the emails of introduction and makes phone calls up until 12 noon as she committed to herslf. Except at 12 noon, she decides to keep calling and emailing people.

She gets two more appointment. One person she called at 11:45AM and the last one was at 12:10PM.

Why did she not stop at 12 noon? She was preparing to stop at 12noon as everyone has probably gone to lunch. But before she stops, she recalls a client explain how often he misses lunch and just works at his desk during lunch most days.

So, she figures, "What the heck, I will give this a try." And she sticks around making calls during lunch time hoping to catch managers eating lunch at their desks.

The Difference Between the Megan and John
John is experienced. John used to do all the right things. He has just drifted into some bad habits. He has a hard time recovering from his pessimistic thought patterns.

Megan is processing her distress a little differently. She is incorporating new ideas to get around obstacles. She is not only persevering, she is incorporating different approaches to her routine. She is viewing her work from a perspective of a student and is detached from it being a personal problem.

John is on the border of making this personal and pervasive. He is using escapist actions to avoid the unpleasantness of the difficulties to getting appointments.

How to Become More Optimistic - Quickly
First, when your brain is getting wrapped up in taking something personally - stop the thought pattern. It's not personal. In the case of John - no one on the other end of the phone or email even knows John. How could it be personal then? It's not - unless you begin to think of it as a personal affront. Which is very easy to do.

Second, don't allow something to bleed into everything else. If you had a bad appointment - it doesn't mean your next appointment will be bad or the meeting with you boss later will also be bad. Look to see what happened: Was I unprepared? If so, next time I will be prepared. Was the client in a bad mood? Then this was the client's problem not yours. Don't allow it to become "Personal and Pervasive." Don't allow the feeling (or vibration) or "failure" to be picked up and carried to the next event.

Third - don't stew over things. The word is ruminate - to chew. We sometimes allow our mind to think about something negative. It then becomes "pervasive" in a larger way. The negatives start "piling on" like a football game, and we see things negatively - almost everything. The person who cuts us off, the rude waiter, our boss who cancels our appointment to catch up and so on. It becomes "me."

Last - look for the good. And then get into some positive action. Do something positive. Like in the example with Megan above, she made a game of calling prospects (how many can I call?). She did something toward her goal. She acted. The positive action stops the thinking, the pondering, the ruminating. This is very important. Note - it is positive action toward the goal. Not going for the beer at 5. Although, going to workout (not the beer) can be positive action, if you explain to yourself you will be back to do the positive action - and that you are using exercise to workout the stress.

To recap: Don't allow things to be personal. Know that this was only temporary (it was not forever and pervasive and always). Do look for the good. And act - do something positive to move you in the direction of your goals.

A Little Humor - Murphy's Law on Work Assignments

The Law of Work Assignments
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Measurable Business Results - Differentiate or Die

Why is it that We as Professionals Don't Do this One Little Thing?
Most companies providing professional services "forget" what the client is ultimately buying.  Frankly, client also forget!

Both the seller and the client get wrapped up in the technology and how it works too often.  The provider of professional services actually "trains" the client this way though. If you review marketing literature most companies provide - large corporations and small firms - you will probably find more discussion on how things are done or what was done rather than what was actually achieved.

My Experience with MBRs
Several years ago the firm I was working with went and visited Gartner.  It was a long meeting, in which we talked about SLAs, how our model worked, who we were, who our clients were, and did I mention SLAs?  It seemed like we mentioned SLAs over and over.

Most clients want results.
And then later, they may want to
know how you are going to do it.

Toward the end of the meeting we brought up results we acheived for our clients.  I mean, real, tangible results.  We coined the term "MBRs" or Measurable Business Results prior to our meeting, as I kept on saying to our COO and CEO and anyone else that listened, that the work we were doing was far, far different than our competitors.

Our Competitors Talked Certifications
While our competitors were talking about certifications of ISO this, and ISO that, and SEI CMM certifications this (and in reality there were no such things as a SEI certification!) and that and this, our firm was able to go in and talk to a client about what they needed done - or more exactly achieved.

Sure some of our competitors could talk about results from a cost reduction, but they could only talk about this from a "labor arbitrage" point of view as they were just swapping out US labor costs for offshore labor costs.  Jeez, anyone can do that.

The Value Prop We Didn't Know We Had!
Our firm was able to guarantee in writing that by this date they would have X amount of customers, at least this amount of revenue, and depending on the type of client they were dealing with they could get even more specific to the industry (i.e. hotel bookings, airline bookings, car rental booking, gas and oil trades, etc). 

Now here was the real kicker: They were able to guarantee this in the contract, before they even began the project.

When I got there, we really did not tout this as a real distinction. But that was because they were so accustomed to doing this, that the some of the people there did not see this as important or a critical market distinction.  Because I came from the outside and looked in - I saw this as a critical differentiator.

So when we got to Gartner - we started talking about these MBRs.  And this made us unique to Gartner.  All of a sudden we stood out. We were different. They, like I, could not believe we would contract, up front, to drive MBRs in our contract.

To Stand Out - Well, Just Stand Out
So, if you want to be unique, understand the value in what you do.  I know MBRs are "risky" if and only if you don't know how to drive them and achieve them.  In reality - results are what the client is buying.

We Train Our Clients To Pick Us Apart
But because we are used to selling features and benefits - the old way of selling - we actually train our clients to buy from us that way.  And what do they do?  They try to understand the only thing other than price. That is - how are you going to do what you are doing?  This is allowing the client's technical staff (IT, legal, procurement) to pick apart the proposal. 

It's All More or Less - "Death by Duck Bite" 
Death by Duck bite looks like this - which you may have seen before:

1. Who are the people on this project? Can I see their resumes? Can I interview them? I don't like Jack, you need to replace him.
2. What is your approach? Don't you think you should start with this group first? Don't you think this should take two weeks and not five weeks? How come you have four people doing this - can't you get just two people to do this?
3. What is the price? How much per hour for these people? What - are you kidding me?  I can get them for one-third of the price -
4. Your competition says that they can do half of this off-shore at $22 per hour. Can you match this?  They also are saying this and that - can you do this and that?

Get the picture? If you want to avoid the trap of being picked apart - avoid selling features and benefits and get into selling results.

How to Be a Consultant to Clients - Differentiate Yourself

Many sales professionals, advisers and even consultant realize that they have to act more like a consultant to clients in order to trusted and have credibility.

While this is not news, what is troubling is that just because one sees themselves as a consultant, the client may not view you as one.  So how do you go about being viewed as a consultant?  First off, it take time and it takes a thoughtful approach to how you go about doing your work.

In this post I am going to layout a few guidelines that you can follow and put into practice immediately so you can become that elusive "Trusted Advisor" everyone always is talking about.

1. Know your business (consulting services, professional services, solutions, accounting, etc) cold.  Know it inside and out.
2. Related to the above - Know the 10 reasons why your services fail. Be able to articulate these to the client.  Most people are afraid to say: "This is why it won't work" because they want to come across as positive, upbeat and optimistic.  But your clients are smart. If you tell them why it won't work - they will understand that you know your business and you are not just selling them.
3. Understand the 10 reasons why your services do work. And under what conditions. 
4. Be able to articulate these - to the client - very, very well.
5. Take the time to understand the client's business issue. Meet the people, hit the issue head on, pick up all the information you can.
6. Understand the people's personal concerns and their professional concerns related to the problem at hand. (personal example - I cannot get home by 6PM to watch my son's Little League games as the problem is keeping me here at work; professional example - I want to be seen as a fixer, doer, and reliable - if I hire you will that make me look weak?)
7. Above all else - the client's interest is Number 1.  It is not making the sale.  It is about placing the client's interest above your personal interest or your firms interest. Every decision you make is viewed from the client's interest first - when proposing work and when you are performing the work you were contracted for.
8. Related to #7: You may have to walk away from work because someone is better suited for the project. Or you have to walk away because the client is just going to be a bad client.
9. Be able to articulate clearly what you have done for clients with similar problems. This means being able to talk about results or what I refer to as Measurable Business Results (MBRs).
10. Don't talk technology - if you have to talk about your technology (your project plan, your software, your approach, your tools, etc) and how you do what you do, you are either talking to a technician (you're at the wrong level in the organization) or you are still a technician and have not learned how to talk results.
11. Related to #9: You may have to talk technology only to "validate" that the assumptions and approach will work in the client's environment. But don't allow technicians to pull apart your solution. Stand your ground if you know your approach works. If you allow the technicians to pull apart your solutions, you are not results driven or your results are weak.
12. Be a Peer to the person making the decision. It is the Economic Buyer who ultimately decides. Act as his or her peer; not as a lapdog, puppet, or syncophant.
13. Remember - and this is key - clients DO NOT want to be sold. Put away all your books on closing techniques, enticements, special deals of the month, and so on. What client's want is they want to be helped.
14. Be perceived as state of the art, cutting edge, knowledgeable and understanding of the latest rules, compliance issues or whatever is facing your market and creating challenges for your client.  Leverage all the latest and greatest - why these will work or why they won't. What the government is saying regarding compliance or what the industry is now doing. Be up on the events and issues in your field as it relates to the client issues and your services.
15. Be an authority in your field or niche. Do you have a website? Do you have a white paper? A position paper? Do you speak at conferences? Do you know the ins and outs of whatever is going on in your field?
16. Never come across as desperate or needy. Carry a small air of indifference - act as if - you have business, even if you are starving.
17. Never let your guard down. We all have chinks in the armor, but telling the client where they are is not going to help you. Don't talk about your company or other professionals.
18. Never talk out of school - never talk about previous clients or prospects - especially - not negatively or in a joking manner. "If you talk about others, will you talk about me?" the client thinks.
19. Bury your ego. Be a little humble - but be confident. Strike a balance between the two.
20. Referral marketing - market your firm, yourself, based upon your image and reputation by heeding the advice outlined above.  Get your name out there by speaking, writing, networking, researching, making a contribution to your field.  Cold calling is dead ("Hey John, you don't know me but can I have an hour to talk to about me?).  But that doesn't mean you can't call people or email them - given you do this properly.
21. Have a strong air about you - that you can help the client - It's like knowing the client has a curable disease and you and your firms is one of only a few that can get them the help they need. It's about a doctor specializing in a certain area and is one of the world's leading physicians - and this patient (client) has the exact ailment you have cured others for.

I hope this helps you and provides you a path to run on.

What is this Site About and Who is this For?

What this Site is About and Who is it For?
Professional consulting is about providing advice and solutions to client problems.  They can be small engagements ranging from $5,000 to 10,000 in size to larger multi-million dollar engagements.  These types of engagements can run the gamut. They can be;

• Heady - strategy-type - consulting engagements: direction setting, working with the C-Level
• Mundane - still vital - setting up policy and procedures, providing legal advice, regulatory advice, working with the people who keep the organization going and out of hot water
• Transformative - implementing solutions that align with the business strategy: marketing processes and best practices, BPR, IT cost improvements (ie: outsourcing, new technology, process reengineering, quality improvements), IT new application development (ie: revenue generating, compliance) etc.

The site is for professionals who want to go "From one-time customers to life-long clients" (SM) . 

Professionals include: IT Business Development, Practice Managers, Consultants, Advisory Firms, Law Firms, - anyone providing services to clients who want to improve their relationships through the application and deployment of proven best practices designed to keep a customer coming back to you for more services.

Professionals Need to Market Themselves

This post is for professionals providing strategic services to clients, this includes: any consulting services, advice, or strategic solutions.

The title of this blog makes sense.  Who could argue with this statement?

Well, I have an answer for you: Just about everyone.  You may ask: "Are you kidding me? Really? We all know this!"

Yes. You may know it.  Because, it does seem logical: that is, we do need to market ourselves.  However few professional rarely do market themselves. And if they do market themselves, they don't do it in a repeatable, habitual manner, and maybe the most important of all, the tools and methods they deploy are not the right tools and methods.

In fact the tools and methods they use - let's call these things "strategies" for simplicity - are not the kind of strategies that actually work for consulting services aka providing professional services.

Professional Services Marketing
List of "What It Isn't" or
Things That Will Kill You

The marketing of professional services is an indirect type of marketing awareness that takes time, attention, and frankly, creativity.  This kind of marketing is "against the grain" of the marketing you learned at Harvard Business School. 

Let's get into what it isn't.  Getting into "what it isn't" is a good way to start looking at how to market your professional services.

The List of "What It Isn't"

1. It's not placing ads in the magazine (sorry Fortune Magazine)
2. It's not buying up billboards on I-95 (sorry Ted Turner)
3. It's not walking around downtown NYC with a Sign around your neck "Will work for food." (Sorry every college grad)
4. It's not getting your resume on the Job Boards (Sorry CareerBuilder, Monster, 100,000 Dollar Jobs, and all you Job Boards that are out there)
5. It's not answering ads
6. It's not cold calling CEOs, CFOs, and CIOs.  (Frank you are right on Cold Calling is Dead)
7. It's not a "One-Minute Elevator" pitch that you are told you should develop in college. Who in the world are you going to pitch to in the elevator?  People will think you are absolutely insane. And maybe you are, but you don't want to tell them this - they'll find out eventually.
8. It's not sending out broadcast emails with everyone in the BCC line. (Eat spam, don't do spam)
9. It's not being slick, unhumble (okay, not a real word but you get it), loud, commanding, "seen"
10. It's not running around a Tech conference or joining The Speakers Association or some other event where everyone is trying to get in front of these so-called buyers of services

Now for my consulting question: "Does this make sense?"

It should make sense. Only because you probably tried at least two of these and you probably failed miserably.  Am I right or am I wrong? 

If nothing else that you remember from this writing: Stupid marketing makes your look stupid. Doing these things, repeatedly, will eventually kill you.

The Underlying Factor to Marketing Professional Services

The marketing of professional services is vastly different from the marketing of most product and services. For the professional, whether you are working as an individual, a small firm or a large firm, marketing is challenging because on one hand you want your target audience to know who you are and that you are available.

Yet, on the other hand, you don't want to come across as pitching your services which comes across as hungry for business.

It is a matter of being needed versus being needy.  

Wrong marketing strategies
will wreck your business and
make you appear desperate.

The above statement is critical to your success. Coming out looking like you are needy has this look of being desperate. And we all know and have been around people who look or are needy.  They are not people we want to be around.

This is directly related to how you market your practice, your capabilities, and your services. It is, in the end, the underlying factor to everything in this blog.  It is the foundational principle to marketing and selling your professional services.