Five Ideas To Jump Your Professionalism Right Now

I'm sitting here in my kitchen drinking my second cup of coffee, reflecting. I am thinking about the one or two things that seriously changed my life--both professionally and personally--that I did what looks like a long time ago.

As I am reflecting about these things, I am thinking, no, I am wondering, why no one else does them. Perhaps it is because people don't know about these things. To me, today, they are obvious. That's because time has created a habit, a universal law for me, that tricks my mind into believing that these things are too basic and that everyone knows about them.

What time has also done--and I mention time here twice for an important reason--is it has created an accumulation effect. Like muscle, it has allowed the action to build upon itself day after day creating momentum, like a little snowball rolling down a long mountain picking up speed and more snow until the little snowball is massive. Except this snowball is rolling down a mountain that goes on forever, or until you die or stop doing the action. Time has allowed knowledge to build upon knowledge upon more knowledge.

With that let me introduce the first of five things that I know will change your life.

First Idea: 
Get up every morning an hour earlier than you normally get up--before anyone in your house gets up and do this one thing: read a book. Not just any book, but a book that is related to your field. If you are in the field of management, pick up a book on management, leadership, or motivation theory. If you are in sales--read sales books. If you are a programmer--well you get the idea.

Read for this one hour. Lean into your book. And don't do anything else--(except what I tell you later below).

This one simple idea is perhaps the easiest thing to do that you will not recognize or believe the benefits that comes along with this little exercise. One hour a day every day for the rest of your life. When you get up don't turn on the radio, or the TV, or look at the news on your iPad. Make coffee of course, but open the book and read. Reading is to the brain like exercise is to the body.

Even if you were not a good reader in High School or College, you will be learning how to read better just by reading overtime.

You will become better at your job. You will know after some time reading in your field, the right things to do immediately at work when events call for action, because you have used your brain to not only learn what someone else has written, but because your brain is able to project or play out events in your mind before they actually occur, because of your reading.

You see, if you are truly reading, you are creating images in your head and playing the images out, like actors in a play. Your brain becomes wired (because of the neural paths created from thinking) to do the actions advised in these books because of the reading.

You will know the positives and negatives of such actions that others before you had. You will learn about other options, choices you have that you haven't considered, and you will feel more inspired, aligned to your work and your profession and feel compelled to be the best you could possibly be--over time.

When I learned this (I learned this from Brian Tracy and I owe him a lot) I put this idea into action immediately. It blew me away. I felt better before I went to work because the information was positive. It also made me feel better because I felt like I was on a path to somewhere--instead of drifting. I was learning from others who had gone before me and used their words as a positive coach. I want to add the word "positive"--because most good books have a positive tone through them. Any book that has a negative tone that you pick up--put it aside. This hour of the day is too very important for you to feed your mind with anything other than something inspirational, positive, or something motivational.

I added a couple of things to this idea. I went to the library and started pulling a lot of books from the shelves on leadership, management, sales, and consulting. I started there--the library first because I couldn't afford to buy the books. Later I could afford to buy the books and I did. Except my house became flooded with books. I was able to buy a bigger house (I became more successful with reading and acting upon the ideas) and built a library for all my books. Now, I am considering to go back to the public library because I have way too many books. And because of something else that made the books somewhat obsolete after I read them. By the way, the books had highlighting all the way through them. But the important thing I did was that I started taking notes. Taking notes jumped my reading, it accelerated my learning.

Accelerate Your Learning
Buy a notebook and take notes. Even if you aren't sure what to copy into your notebook do not be concerned. Start with copying whole paragraphs, even pages from the book you are reading into your notebook. This is your notebook and it acts a vehicle to cement the ideas into your brain faster and more permanently than just ordinary reading. When you take notes or copy passages, you are using

multiple senses. First, you are visually reading the material. Second, you are sub-vocalizing (auditory). And third, you are writing (kinetically). You have three modalities that are being used in concert to drive this information into your brain.

Warning: Your Mind Is Lazy and Wants To Trick You
A warning: your mind is a little lazy because you have probably not disciplined it. It will say, "Hey, why are you rewriting this material? Isn't that a little ridiculous?" Then the mind will answer it's own question: "Yes it is ridiculous. Just read, don't take notes. Besides you're wasting paper and time." Then your mind will say: "Look, over there. Isn't that the TV? Turn it on. Let's see what they are saying on the news." And soon, it will be all over.

Say to your mind, "Sure I get it. But after awhile, you'll see a difference and we will have a good new positive habit." Keep on saying this until your mind obeys.

The beauty of rewriting passages is you won't believe the difference in the meaning of a few words when you read them, and the meaning when you write them. If you read something and then copy it into the notebook, you will gain huge insights you never would have gotten by just reading the passage. This was and still is startling to me. I am often surprised and amazed what I thought the writer was intending and then later how deep her thoughts and ideas were when I rewrote them.

By the way, there is no law in rereading books. This same thing occurs later in life as you grow in your knowledge and ability. You may have skipped an entire passage earlier, but now, some time later, you will say to yourself, "This one concept is so important, how did I miss it?" That's the beauty of going back to great books.

Another advantage is you can carry notebooks as you travel and reread your notes. You can accumulate notebooks--and these become reference points over time.

I know what you may be thinking. I have an iPad, a Nook, a Kindle or some other smart device. I get that. I am not a luddite. Well maybe I am. I have two iPads and I carry them around with me when i travel as well. But to me, a book is a book is a book. Perhaps you can get the information to your notebook through you smart device--and if so--good for you.

The important thing I can tell you this one idea--reading for one hour, every morning, will blow you away. It was, and is so important that when I first heard of it I couldn't believe it. Yet, I tried it. I figured I had nothing to lose. And it set me on fire. I learned psychology and what makes people tick. I learned how to present to clients. I learned the order in which people take in information based upon the words they used. I learned that not all people think the same way I do--and that if I wanted to be more effective with colleagues, bosses, and clients, I had better become better at communicating with them. I learned leadership concepts and I learned who was full of crudola as authors and avoided them. I learned who the great thinkers were and who were the great practioners who weren't inventing things to put in a book in order to say they wrote a book.

I was so excited by this one idea that I started getting up two hours earlier than normal in order to read and study. This one idea turned my life and career around. I was heading down a path of mediocrity because where I came from no one worked too hard. Where I came from no one "made it." Success was for the other people--not us. But, I learned that others, like me, made it on their own through hard work, by not sleeping late, and doing little things, incrementally over time that made them successful. Steve Jobs didn't just one day wake up and say, "Let's make the iPhone." He too, had his trials in life. By reading, you will find everyone had their down moments and you will find they have many of the characteristics you have in them. In other words, you can do anything you put your mind to.

Try this one thing today (okay this morning is over--so try it tomorrow) and it will--I guarantee it--blow you away.

PS - I said "five things" as part of this title. Stay tuned for more of these later . . .

The Question Isn't Who's Bigger. It's Who's Better.

Being an underdog has a lot to do with the size of the organization backing you. being smaller is not necessarily the main issue in clients' decision making if you know how to overcome being smaller.

My 25-year study of asking clients why
they chose one firm and solution over
all the others. The answer will
amaze you.

In almost 30 years of asking clients why they choose one firm over another I have found there are
several critical elements that you as a professional can do to change the tide and influence clients' decisions by demonstrating it's not the size of the organization, but who is better.

The elements that are critical to demonstrating you are better are what I call the six A's. These are your agility, acumen, alignment, ability, accuracy and affects.

1. Agility is how quickly you are able to respond to the client's needs.
2. Acumen is how relevant you are to the client's needs.
3. Alignment is getting to the right decision makers in the client's organization.
4. Ability is how well the client understands your skills and strengths.
5. Accuracy is the ability to pinpoint the client's problem.
6. Affects is understanding the client's problem and its ramifications to the organization and the people who are impacted the most.

All of these are under your control. These are for the most part perceptual elements--influenced by how well you work in the framework of the client. These six A's are critical to the science and art when working with clients. Keep these six A's in mind when working with clients. They change order (time) and importance (weight) at various points along the continuum, as well as, with different people in the client's organization as well as from client to client.

The importance and the ordering of the six A's has to do a lot with things beyond your control. These includes such things as the economy, pressure from shareholders or manager, and customers. Be alert to these and think through which of the six A's is most important now with this person in the client account you are dealing with and you will improve your chances of winning business and creating a client for life no matter if you are a one-person operation or a 12,000-person operation up against a 200,000 person operation.

One guy says, "You're good, but you can't close." I say, "Don't listen to that guy-he's living in the 1960s."

Today if you want to win and keep a customer and turn him (or her) into a client, one of things you cannot do--is try and close him.

That's right. Don't try to close the deal. Closing used to work in the 1960s. It doesn't work any more. And if you are being told by your manager or anyone else to close the deal, that person is wrong. Absolutely, unequivocally, irrevocably wrong.

Closing the deal. When you think close the deal,
think instead: allow the customer (client)
to buy. One is about you. The other is
about the customer.

Why?

To close is to manipulate. To close is to trick. To close is to pressure. To close is one-sided, an all-about-me approach to working with customers.

I used to say, "Unless you are selling cars." But I changed my mind. Even if you are selling cars, you don't close.

Books to Avoid
You have to be smarter than that. You can no longer be buying books on how to close. Here are some titles for you to avoid:

• Closing Techniques (as soon as you hear techniques in selling, think manipulation)
• One Call Closing (What are you selling shoes?)
• Secrets of Closing the Sale (There are no secrets)

Here's an appropriate title: Car Sharks and Closers. I don't even need to add my comments. This title says it all.

Do you get the picture yet? You are closing if you are trying to force the customer to buy and the customer isn't ready. This is a pitiful way to win business. What's worse is the customer is smart and he (or she) knows you are closing them. And you are going to piss them off.

Here's a Form of Selling to Avoid
Here's an example: "Here. Put this suit on. Do you like the color? It fits perfectly. Brown looks good on you. Don't worry, you'll grow into it."

"The style? It's a style that's coming back."

"Do you want alterations? I can throw that in the deal if you will buy it now."

Pu-leeeez. Are you kidding me? As soon as someone says to me the sale will end tomorrow--so you want to hurry and make your decision before end of day tomorrow, that's when I actually slow down. I think this is God's way of telling me something isn't quite right. And this is when I start asking myself questions: Why do they need a sale in order to sell it? Is it not moving? Are others not buying this for some reason I am not aware of?

To Close or To Allow the Customer to Buy
Here's my answer to closing. Don't close; Allow the customer to decide to buy. Allow the customer to ease on into the transaction. Put all the power into their hands when making the decision.

My Story on Pressure Tactics
I had a boss once--a very smart boss--and he was getting a lot of pressure from his boss--to sell a large mainframe computer system. The pressure was so intense that my boss, a very calm and cool individual said: "When you meet with them (the prospect), you must convey a sense of urgency. But you cannot make them panic." As he said, you must convey a sense of urgency. But you cannot make them panic he started pounding the desk with his fist harder and harder. I remember, easing backwards out of his office, saying, "Sure Bill. I won't convey a sense of panic. I will convey a sense of urgency."

A few hours later I walked back into my boss's office and he was calmer. He said, "Just go down and meet with the customer and see what they want to do."

He didn't emphasize the words "see what they want to do" -- but I will to you. You see, as soon as you convey a sense of urgency, you are conveying a sense of panic. Closing the deal is about you--not the prospect or the customer. When you close or attempt to close, you are widening the gap between you and the prospect. You are not--excuse me for saying this--closing the gap between you and the prospect.

A Smarter, Wiser, More Confident Approach
You are more confident when you know that you have a good product, service or combination. You are basically saying, "You can buy from me, but if you don't someone else will, and that's okay." It's not that you don't care--it's you are not in a panic. Panic doesn't sell. It tells people to get their life jackets on and get into the life raft. Panic tells people the plane is about to crash, bury your head between your knees and kiss certain parts of your body goodbye.

Instead of selling the prospect, educate the prospect. The prospect has
choices. But they really don't always know which choice is best.
If you don't have knowledge, and a competent manner to express that
knowledge you can't win the client's business.
You have to have knowledge, experience, and confidence.
You only have confidence through competence.
Confidence without competence is dangerous.

So instead of closing, be smarter than that. Educate the customer. Explain to the customer he has options: He can do this, add that, and have this by the end of the week. No rush. But let's instead talk through the options and variations. Let me tell you Mr. Customer what some of our other customers experienced when they did this--both the positive and the negative. Then we can make an informed decision.

A Good Laugh with My Boss--Later (after the customer bought)
After my meeting with Bill (the first meeting when he was pounding the desk)--I went back in--and I explained he was pounding the desk and I repeated what he had said. He looked at me in astonishment. He could not believe he had done or said that. It became a running joke between us. He was under pressure. And when you are under pressure you do stupid things--like trying to close the customer who isn't ready to buy.

The Bottom Line
Never close. Be smart enough and do the right things that gets the customer to want to do business with you and ALLOW the customer to buy.

Dear Starbucks, Love Your Coffee but Can You Stop Doing This????

First off, I love Starbucks. I love the people and the coffee and the whole sit down and work thing. Free wifi. Free music in the background. The whole bit. I think the whole concept is genius.

Who would say, "Let's sell coffee, charge 2 bucks for it, sell some crazy drinks that make a sentence longer and more complex and harder to remember than E=MC2; charge 4 bucks for those,  allow people to sit down and work--forever and not chase the people out, open two or three of these coffee shops within a one-mile radius and all of them still be busy, and come up with crazy names for small, medium and large (I still cannot say grande for a medium coffee)--who? Certainly this idea for a business would never pass the Shark Tank test.

My Phobia Only?
So, what's my point? Before I get to my point I must admit I am a "germa-phobe." I am the guy who carries multiple bottles of GermX in the car and backpack when I travel. I try to pour some on my hands after each encounter with human beings. I do not want to get sick--perhaps I have sick-phobia. You must know this first before I explain my point--which is next . . .

Please Starbucks--tell your people to stop spreading germs.

I get to the cash register. I sometimes pay with cash--dollar bills.  I sometimes pay with credit cards--touched by hotel clerks, retaurant staff, store cashiers, and I am sure others that I cannot quickly recall, and sometimes I pay with my Starbucks card. We all know that cash, credit cards and payment cards carry germs or something foreign we all would prefer to stay foreign (read: out of our bodies).

So the cashier takes my order and takes my payment. Grabs the card and swipes it through that thing that swipes cards and debits my account or charges my credit card.

Then the cashier turns around and grabs the coffee cup with his (or her) fingers by the lip and fills the cup with coffee. Then he picks up the coffee cup by placing his fingers around the top of the cup (again touching the lip of cup) and places that cardboard cupholder around it and passes my coffee back to me.

What has happened in these few seconds is I have 1,000 people's germs on the lip of the cup where I am going to place my mouth. He has passed from his fingers all the cash he touched previously, all the cedit cards he touched previosuly and all the coffee refills he refilled previosuly (watch them refill coffee someday) and passed those germs to my coffee lip.

I wrote Starbucks a few months ago to complain and received a response that said essentailly, that yes that is disgusting -- and we will address it. Except it's not one Starbucks that's doing this -- it's all the Starbucks that are doing this.

Do People Not Think?
I don't know about you, but I am a little particular where I put my mouth. I don't like licking peoples hands or fingers. And I am sure the people behind the counter at Starbucks don't like doing licking people's hands or fingers either. So why don't the people take more care when getting cups and passing them to customers?

I am not sure. But again it happened. It happened this morning. The guy--a smart guy I think--picked up my cup by the lips with his entire hand (placed over and around the cup) in order to slide that cardboard sleeve shield on. I watched him do this and I said to myself, enough.

I asked, nicely, "I am sorry to say this. But you placed your entire hand around the lip of my cup--that's where I drink from. Can you pour me another cup?" He was very nice, and said "Yes, sorry." He was careful this time.

Well here I am--now making this part of my story--my blog, my venting. I still love Starbucks. I hope I don't get sick. Where's that GermX bottle?

PS - please don't say pour GermX into your hand and wipe the rim of your cup before you drink. That's ridiculous. And besides, I have already tried that. It makes the rim (or lip) of the cup soggy. I think the alcohol breaks down the elements of the cardboard cup.

 

A Smile and What It Does

How often do you smile?
                         Seldom ____
                   Sometimes ____
                            Often ____
It seems that there are certain people who never smile. Why is it that these people can't smile? Is it born of a gloomy  outlook on life? Often it's because of a tainted perspective and outlook on life that is brought into work.

We are all too familiar with the surly serving person who waits on us at a restaurant. It seems like we are a bother to them as they project to us a feeling of why are these people here intruding on my time and my restaurant? We have also been greeted with a frown from the cashier at the checkout line--which makes us wonder why we shop there at all.

We have all read that the face of another signals to us the person's disposition and even possibly the person's character. The face reveals to us many things about the other person. If this is true, what does an authentic smile do? A smile conveys warmth, an invitation to engage, and a possible positive attitude. At very least--it's certainly more inviting than a frown.

THE FROWN AND ITS IMPACT
A frown from a leader signals to us disaster. We have all been in those kinds of meetings. The frown from a leader is usually the precursor to something bad that is about to occur. It tells us that we are about to have our world turned upside down. And we grip for the impact. We are on guard. We automatically become defensive, searching for things that we possibly did or something that went wrong. And this puts us on a heightened state of alert.

But the frown, as we have also learned, can just be a gloomy disposition in the other person. It is not a precursor. It has just become a habit--a very bad habit--and has little meaning in the originator about us. However, it does have its affect. It signals to the organization, don't take risks, don't step out and innovate, don't come up with new ideas, in essence it is the great intimidator and great destroyer of the modern organization that needs exactly those things it impedes.

When you do use a frown--you are signaling to others your displeasure with someone's behavior, attitude, or your feelings. And it can have a detrimental negative ripple affect across the organization. If you don't think people are on the lookout for how you feel, allow me to tell you a quick, but true story.

We had a large project with a large Fortune 500 insurance company. I headed up the office as managing director and I had just finished a meeting our client's CFO. It was a good meeting. But as I was walking from his office across the street to another building that housed our project team, several people were looking out the window and saw me. I must have been deep in thought--because to the people in the building--my team who saw me--it must have appeared that I wasn't happy. They reached the conclusion that the meeting with the CFO must have been a bad one. And it was not long before everyone on the project (some 130 people) "knew" I was not happy and therefore "knew" my meeting had not gone well. According to one of the people who had the courage to tell me this story, I signaled to them that our project was not performing.

Just look at the leaps in assumptions that these people made. Because I was not smiling (which I normally do), they assumed that the meeting with the CFO had not gone well. Which to them meant the client was not happy with the project they were working on (notice how they personalized the interpretation). And some people even thought--according to my confidant--that the project was in jeopardy of being shut down. Notice the chain reaction.

There are times when we are not going to be happy. There are times when a frown is actually appropriate. The lack of a smile on our faces signal our displeasure with an issue that should have been handled better. The lack of a smile may be because of an illness of a friend or family member. But there are times when we are frowning way too much, and you have to ask yourself, do you do this too much, too often or at inappropriate times?

A SMILE AND ITS AFFECTS
A smile conveys warmth, an invitation to engage, to participate, and positiveness. It deals out dignity and projects value and team-centeredness for the most part. The answer to the question at the beginning of this piece should be "often." If your answer was "sometimes" or "seldom" you have to ask why? Why create a problem when there isn't one? Creating a smile for those who don't smile often takes some getting used to. You have to work on it minute to minute. The smile can lift and convey value to the receiver.

When you greet others with a smile, no matter what is on your mind, you are taking the first step forward in engaging with the person and demonstrating that you consider this person of value. When you smile at the other person even if it's just a passing in the hallway, you are now present with the other person. The smile is a great encourager. It gives the other person courage. It signals to others that they are of value. And it gets people to give it their all.

Of course, you can't fake an authentic smile. When someone tries to fake a smile they appear to be disingenuous, a liar, a person who can't be trusted. A faked smile is like a wolf baring its fangs to ward off predators and signals get ready to be attacked.

Isn't it nicer to be greeted by an authentic warm smile than a cold authentic frown? We know this is true. And if we know it, why don't we take the time and make the effort to do something about it? Our behavior does matter. And while a smile doth not the leader make, it does contribute to the aura of the leader and can distinguish you accordingly.

TAKE ACTION

1. Take inventory of your daily smiles. How often do you smile versus frown? Ask family members, your trusted colleagues, and friends about your ability to smile. Find out how often according to them that you do smile. Ask if your smile seems real and authentic or does it appear contrived and fake.
2. Take your smile and combine it with a warm handshake and warm eye contact. This will help enliven your smile and convey a feeling of trust, encouragement, and welcoming. It will extinguish the possible signal of being fake that sometimes comes from a quick smile.

A Thermostat Reading-Signals We Send

Question: Do your clients and staff feel comfortable or uncomfortable when they are with you?

Answer: Usually ____
                 Often ____
              Seldom ____

Does your attitude, voice, and mannerisms exude warmth? Or do they exude an ice-like feeling to others?

A key word that is hard to define--one that telegraphs to others that you are an open, willing to hear the other type of person--is the word "participation." You may think that the word participation isn't that hard to define in the dictionary sense. But it truly is a difficult definition when you try to convey the meaning and the feeling you get when you are "allowed into" or "brought into" a conversation, an exchange of ideas, or asked for an opinion.

The word participation signals to others that they are of value. They are significant, at least to us. The feeling of significance or the lack of the feeling of significance can make all the difference to a child and an adult. It can mean the difference between someone trying 110% or just giving the job or the task 50%--or just enough to get by.

A tiny minute detail, that you signal to others, is how you handle a client or a colleague, especially when they visit your offices. When someone walks into your office, do you stand up? Do you come around from behind your desk and shake their hand? Do you look them straight in the eye and make them feel glad they know you? Do you try to convey your feeling that you believe them to be important? These are signs of your participation in their world. And your acts of participating, signals to the other person they are important.

Stop a minute and think about someone you visited recently. It can be when you went to another office, or when you visited headquarters, or were out in the field. Think about an executive or client who sat at their desk, barely looked up, hardly said a word, and was colder than a dead cadaver (I know--a dead cadaver is doubly dead--and a live cadaver is impossible except if the other is a zombie).  Think about how that made you feel. Did you feel welcome? Did you feel--valued? Of course not. In fact, it may have shifted your entire mood.

Sure, I get it--you're not supposed to have your mood changed because of someone else; because you are not what the other person thinks. But you have to admit--if we are all being honest--that the difference between one person getting up and coming out from around their desk to greet you and the person who barely looks up to see you, who doesn't make the effort and continues to sit and stare at the email on their laptop--is the difference between warm sunshine and a dismal cold dank day.

So, if that's the case, what do you exude? What is your thermostat reading? Sure, everyone should be in charge of their own internal thermostat--but that outside pressure does affect people no matter how much Zen-lie detachment you practice. This is important--especially to those of you who are in management positions or those of you who want to be leaders--you telegraph to others how they should feel. And I clients and colleagues--all--want to feel that you appreciate them.

Naturally, there are times when you have work that needs to be done, and you can't be interrupted. And sure, there are times when you aren't "up." On these occasions, close the door or go home or g to the nearest coffee shop so you won't be interrupted, but more importantly, so you won't spread the contagion of negativity around your office and hurt your reputation.

SURVEY OTHERS
Recognize that this one signal can make a marked difference in how others feel when they leave your office or your orbit. Ask a trusted colleague, friend or family member, does your orbit have a gravitational pull that others look forward to being in? Or does your orbit have a repelling effect--leaving others to make a left turn to the restrooms as they see you coming down the hall? Ask people, do they look forward to your conference calls or do they dread them?

We can create strong feelings in others. We can pull them into our orbit or we can repel them.

TAKE ACTION

1. Shifting out of your funk, into a positive, uplifting attitude can make all the difference in the world with your clients and colleagues. It takes mental agility to recognize that we send signals and that it is far better to send positive signals than it is to send negative signals. Acknowledge that you regularly value people or devalue people with the warmth or coldness you send.
2. Review how you behave. Do you see how you can be sending the wrong impression? Make it a point to be warm, friendly, and inviting. Acknowledge your pessimism, aloof attitude and cold actions can be an initiative-killer and an attitude drainer for your staff, colleagues and clients. Resolve to stop, look up, and think about what you want to convey the next time you meet with a client or colleague. Do you want them to say to themselves, I want to meet with him or her again? Or do you want them to say, I am glad that meeting is over, and I am going to avoid meeting with him in the future? Decide now to get into the habit of looking at the signals you are sending and send a signal that conveys warmth.

Saying, "That's a really good question" is not a good statement to make. Only sycophants say things like this.

I am going to attempt to be funny. I say this in advance because I don't mean to sound sarcastic or mean.

I am sitting in this leadership class--it's about how we can be more articulate. An interesting topic. However, I am always a little concerned when the facilitator doesn't have the skills himself or herself when conducting a class on an important topic.  And I more concerned when the person (the facilitator or instructor) has not been in similar situations nor used the material he or she is teaching.

Anyway, here we are in this class. The class is set up in a U-shape. You know the kind, where the facilitator is walking around in the center, and the rest of goofs are sitting at tables set up in a squared off U. To be fair, and I am sure this is the situation in most organizations today, all of us have been in classes or facilitated discussions that go about nowhere. And these classes are not helped by the fact that we, as participants, are pretty skilled, intelligent, and strong willed people.

The class I am referring to heads in the direction about conference calls and presenting to other high-level execs our business plans and how to gain their agreement, as well as how to look and appear that we are on-the-ball. We are discussing how to gain agreement on the conference call, especially where there may be 10 to 20 people on the call. (Now don't get me started by asking 'What kind of organization allows 10 to 20 people on a con call? That's an issue for another time).

We as a class are discussing presenting a piece of work and walking these other high-level, strong-willed people through a Powerpoint deck. If you are in business, you know what happens. People start asking you questions. And these questions can become quite a bit uncontrolled--too many and you are like a tail on a dog--going back and forth, from one question to another. Sooner or later you are whipsawed and you can never win when you are peppered with a dozen questions, one right after another.

A person in the class asks the facilitator the question, "You know, the people we are presenting to, start jumping ahead on the call, before we finish our presentation and they begin to ask questions. It's hard to think and gain control and  give them a good answer." In other words, this person is saying, she responds to these questions quickly, wanting to appear sharp and in command, but there are sometimes she needs a second to think. However, if she waits too long to think, the feedback is we look unsure. It's a fair question. It's also an honest and candid question. In fact, this is probably the root reason behind the class.

The facilitator says, "Try this. The next time someone asks you a question, say, 'That's a really good question . . .' and this will allow you time to pause, regroup and think about the answer."

Of course, I am a smart-ass, and I am sitting in this class. I know about these questions. You have to gain control and remain in control without appearing to be controlling and not "open to new ideas." Because someone asks a question, not answering it or deflecting it to later can appear to make you appear controlling or not appreciative of the person asking the question.

So I say something under my breath about the try this "That's a really good question" idea. What I say is, "Until you say 'That's really a good question,' for the sixteenth time--you run the risk of looking to try to appease everyone saying that they all have really good questions. So somewhere in your mind you realize you've said 'That's a really good question' 16-times and your brain says switch it up so you don't sound redundant.

To switch it up you say the next best thing, you say, "That's a really great question."

Now you've moved from good to great--from that's a good question to that's a really great question. And all those other people to whom you told that was a good question is now pissed off because you've told this latest person that he has a really great question. Now, you've disgraced all the other questions with one backhanded insult--unintentionally."

Now, I am realizing, that this is not exactly as under my breath as I thought it was. Two people to my right are laughing pretty hard. This other person to my left has tears in her eyes she's laughing so hard. What I said must have resonated with these people.

The facilitator is looking at me as she must have heard this too. Recognizing I am guilty I say, "Sorry about that."

Of course, as sorry as I was about disrupting the class, I am not sorry for having this thought that escaped my lips.

The facilitator's advice is bad advice. Never say. "That's a good question." It sounds wimpy, weak, and makes you look like a sycophant. Other than that, it's perfect.

Prepare in advance. Think through the questions that can be asked or should be asked and prepare a short sentence hitting the question straight on. Say, "Yes. I considered that. Let me tell you what I considered as the way to address that." Or say, "I too am concerned about that issue you are bringing up. I don't have a great answer for it--although I have placed a lot of thought around it. Here's my thinking." And then tell the person your strategy.

You can also take another approach if you don't have a good answer by saying you don't have a good answer to something. I am not sure you will agree with me on this--but saying you have thought about the issue, but don't have a good solution is okay if you do not have a solution. Sometimes 'I don't know' is the right answer, because it is the only answer. If someone says,"What will happen if the Mongolian Wall on the eastern front grows too much moss over the next three years?" the only answer is: 'I don't know.' And saying, "But I will find out" is as stupid as saying, "That's a really good question." Just say, "I don't know." Without saying, "Who gives a crap?"

There are never great solutions to every potential issue. Now, don't make that last statement. People who are in business know there are never always solutions to every potential problem. It's when someone tries to appear that they have all the answers, is when they look weak. It's because they appear that they are trying way too hard not to look bad rather than come up with the best strategies to the most likely scenarios.

Saying, "I don't have the exact answer to this--but I am considering three options. Here they are . . . " tells people you are thinking. They like the fact that you are thinking things through. The people higher up or the people on the client's executive team want to know that they are dealing with a strategist--someone who plays down-the-board and tries to see around corners. They all know no one actually can see around the corner. What they want is someone who is ready for the crap that comes out of the blue or what the competition may do and that you have at least the semblance of a game plan in case these events occur.

Saying, "That's a good question" is a suck up, sycophant statement that leads to nowheresville. Be prepared. Place yourself in the shoes of the executives. Think about what they need to know. Give them the feeling, the sense, that you have thought things through from their perspective. Saying things like, "That's a really good question" makes you questionable, and in fact encourages more questions. Saying "I thought this issue through and these other two issues as well" makes the people on the call say to themselves, "Jeez, this guy (or lady) has his act together. I better rethink about asking my question."

The Person Who Talks Too Much on Conference Calls

Be Quiet--Don't Say Anything
How many times have we all been on a conference call and there is someone who continues to talk about something they know nothing about? This becomes worse when we have those weekly, regular calls, when that someone who continues to annoy us who speaks too much and still says nothing.

These people are annoying to the rest of us. Those of us who are more enlightened. We all have these people who aren't as enlightened as we are, on one of our calls regular calls. To these people we want to say, "Please be quiet, don't say anything." Or worse, we want to scream, "Shut the heck up!"

Maybe you are one of "those people." Stop and think about that for a minute. What if you are? Wouldn't that be horrendous? "But I am not like her!" you might scream. "I can't be one of 'those people.' I am smart, likable, and I never talk too much. I say things that are pertinent, relevant and to the point." Do you now?

A Friend's Statement that Made Us All Look Inward
I have a friend who once said, "We are all someone else's asshole."

A few of use were griping about people. We were talking about "those people" who were jerks. We probably were going too far and then he made that statement, "We are all someone else's asshole." Ouch. This shut down the whining. We all became silent, pondering the idea that maybe we were.

Now you should think about it. We tend to see the problem as "out there." What if the problem is "in here?" My friend's comment translates to: while we think so and so is an asshole, there is someone else out there who believes the same about us.

The point here is for you and to your teammates, we can all improve.

Improvement Points--What Can You Do?
The next time you are on a conference call, instead of blurting something out, take out a notebook (I hope you have a notebook), write what you are about to say down on paper. Look at it. Does it make sense? Before blurting out and blabbering to fill the air with words, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is this relevant? In other words, does this add to the discussion? Is what I have written down relevant to what is being discussed? Is this on topic? (And don't worry about the conversation changing to something else before you have had a chance to weigh in. You can come back to it later if it truly important or perhaps better, let it go.)
2. Is this my area of expertise? Or are there others on the call who have much more expertise on this topic than I do? (By the way, for those of you who are shy or are too concerned that your opinion isn't important, you have the opposite problem, so don't use this point as your excuse to hide behind.)
3. Do I truly understand the parameters of the topic? Was there a previous call that this issue came up on and I am just catching up--so I don't have entire story? Do I have all the facts, the entire story, do I understand what the objective is and who actually owns the issue?
4. Does what I am about to say sound like advice? Am I coming across as condescending? Or worse, arrogant? 
5. Am I about to say something obvious? Am I about to say something that someone else already said? Am I about to say something only with more words that everyone else has already stated?
6. Sure, you are a person of worth, a person of value. But are you attempting to prove this here by saying something so that you can "feel alright"--so that you can feel superior--or feel important? 
7. Do I understand that the more I say about everything, every single time, that it actually dilutes what I say when I do have something important to say about something I do know a lot about?
8. If I do need to make a point--can I make it and shut up? Without feeling compelled to drone on and on and explain every aspect of what I mean?
9. Do I understand the admonition: Better to be thought the fool, than to open my mouth and remove all doubt?
10. Is it better for me to listen and determine who gets listened to and why?
11. Do I use fillers to keep people from running over me or use fillers to block out others such as "umm" or "ahhhh" or "look" and saying "Does that make sense?" and going on not really wanting to hear if that does make sense.

When you become "more discerning" about what you say and how often you say something--you actually become someone who gets listened to more often. This is the opposite of what most people do. We need to follow the admonition "The less said the better." I am sure you heard that before.

Take No Action

1. On the next con call, bring a notebook. Take notes. Write down what you want to say before the con call starts. Write down what you want to say during the call too.
2. On the next con call make it a point to say nothing. Try retraining your brain that you do not need to say anything in order to be relevant, to be important, to be a person of worth and value. Know that you already are a person of worth and you already are relevant and you are continuing to work to stay that way.
3. If on the next call you are asked for your opinion, as hard as this may be, say, "I can't say anything that hasn't already been said." And then shut up. Or say this, "I can't say anything that isn't a variation of what Sue and Robert stated." And then shut up.
4. If someone asks you if you agree and you do agree, say, "I agree." And then shut up. If you don't agree, say, "I don't have the same opinion. But perhaps I don't have all the facts." And then shut up. Wait to be asked for your opinion. When you are asked for your opinion, state it and state why you have it. One sentence for your opinion, and one sentence as to why you have it. And then shut up. Use periods--and then use the silence. Silence often is more powerful than words.
5. Use your words sparingly. Become a person like the French philosopher Henri Bergson advised, "Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought."

An Approach to Life and Success---Ari Kiev Wisdom

I read a lot of books--mostly on success--and how to be a success. I have been reading success literature for the past, well, I'd say, 25 years. Has it been that long? Yes it has.

I've read books by great authors who turned my life around. In every instance the good reads started with how to think. These books were mostly about, in essence, how to think more positively. But the really good books explained how the brain, or mind if you prefer, works.

Paying Homage to Ari Kiev
In this post I want to pay homage to the late Ari Kiev. Dr. Kiev (he was a true doctor, getting his MD and then studying psychology) practiced in NYC. As we all know, NYC is a pretty tough, competitive environment for anyone.

How tough? I'm reminded of the Robbin Williams joke: "Want to hear a New York echo?" he would ask. He'd imitate an Alps Yodeler in the valleys of skyscrapers, "Hellloooo!!!!" Then he'd wait for the echo: "F@%k yooouuu!!!"

A tough place? Yeah, I'd say so.

Kiev opened his practice to business people who were experiencing stress in their jobs and who were ultimately lost as to how to "be" and still strive for success. By the way, this is my interpretation not his--especially the "be" part. This man was a genius. He was asked later to coach Olympic athletes and later started working with Wall Street professionals coaching them on how to overcome their fears, their childhood learned limitations, and develop a new approach to work and being successful. If you get a chance read some of his earlier works they are a cross between Zen, being successful, learning how to live in the now, planning a life, and being happy.

It's the Striving that is Important
In one of his last books before he passed away, Hedge Fund Masters, he provides a little anecdote--a story of sorts. The story has a point. The point is something we have all heard at one point in our lives. It's refreshing to hear this, at least to me, because it tells me it's okay to do something--to strive for something. Instinctively you and I know this (strive for something) as a truth. But rarely do we have someone, who is an expert in the field, to say "it's okay" to do something--that is take a yes or no stand in today's world. The real power comes into play when I hear this part--which I never heard before: strive for the goal, but it's not the achieving it that is truly important. The importance is to set a goal and then develop a strategy aiming at the success of achieving the goal.

Developing a success strategy begins with taking a stand. Here he is, from chapter three "Planning a Strategy" in his own words (Hedge Fund Masters Ari Kiev pg. 71):

"Let me tell you an inspiring sports story to off my thoughts on strategy. A few years ago, I was consulted by Gary, the coach of a promising young athlete. Gary wasn't sure whether the youngster, a figure skater, should go all out for the gold medal in an upcoming competition or should hold back and plan to return to win another time. 'Go for the gold,' I urged him. 'There is no substitute for total commitment to the best possible outcome.'

"I'm not an expert in figure skating, but what I was saying to Gary was to make the gold medal the vision, not to plan for a half-hearted effort to protect his skater from the chance of failure. Once he did that, he needed to devise a step-by-step strategy to make it happen."

What's Your Vision? Your Goal?
How about you? Do you have a vision for your future? What is it? What does it look like in detail? How do you know you have achieved a goal you have set for yourself? Is there an "end result"-- a figure? a number? an award? something tangible? Is it a new way of living?

Now I am not saying that you that you should define yourself as the award or end-result? But why not set a goal? Something to shoot for. Why not aim your life and daily actions toward?

What Actions Are You Taking Each Day?
Now here's the thing that you don't hear too often. It's not whether you achieve the goal. It's how much effort and energy you put into striving to achieve the goal. It's the daily routine you create, the discipline of doing the things necessary to achieve the goal that is more important. It is, as Ari Kiev says in one of his books, the daily efforts that are important. The pain staking preparation and daily planning and the actions--the actions--the little things that add up over the course of time, that really help you in becoming better at what you do, who you are striving to become, that are really the focus and the outcome, that matter.

This is advice is against the grain for most of the success literature that I have read. I thought the success was achieving the goal. But no. The success is in becoming the person who can achieve the goal. And the becoming comes from the daily rigor and efforts that seem like we are crawling along the highway while others are cruising by at 70 miles per hour.

Focus On Each Step In Front of You
Kiev says somewhere in one of his books about success and creating a successful life comparing it to climbing a mountain. You don't keep your eyes focused on the mountain top or the pinnacle. Sure you are aiming to get there. Your focus needs to be on each step you take. Where you are planting your foot, and placing one foot in front of the other along the journey--and occasionally--glancing up to look at the peak to make sure you are still heading in the direction you need to go.

To me, I was focused on the mountain top, for way to long. It may explain some of my falls. It may also explain why I never even started in some cases, as the climb seemed way too ambitious. In other cases, where I reached the summit, I can recall the painstaking arduous tasks of some of the most minor things I had to do--and there seemed so many of them--yet fortunately--I enjoyed the reward of the tasks in front of me. And there, in that last sentence, may be another lesson.

Good luck.

Questions Your Clients Hate

I have been asking clients over the past twenty-five years questions around the one central question: "Why do you buy from one vendor over another?" The question has morphed depending on the day and the client's response to: "Why do you select one solution over another?"

The answers were pretty telling. Most if not all had some point about the professional who was responsible for the sale. The answers indicated that whatever the reason, the professional orchestrating the sale, or if you prefer, influencing the client's buying decision, had some immediate impact on the decision. He or she (the professional) always could have done something better or different, as the winning firm's professional did to win the deal.

The interesting thing is, that the deals were not won on price or best solution. The deals were won on how the professional in charge of the buying transaction conducted themselves.

I learned some other interesting points. I learned what those winning professionals did. I learned what those losing professionals did as well.

One of the things I learned was what clients disliked, no, hated about certain professionals, was the questions they asked. What I learned was that professionals who asked questions that clients did not fully appreciate seemed to fall into certain categories.

The first category was regarding the client's environment. The typical question involved a question that could have easily been answered with some digging around. Some of the answers could have been gained by going to the organization's website and doing a little rooting around. Here is the typical sort of questions that clients told me they couldn't stand:

• "How many people do you have working here?"
• "Where does your organization want to be in three to five years?"
• "What are your firms best selling products?"
• "Who is your competition?"
• What are your challenges?"

It's readily apparent with some hindsight that these questions are definitely things you could easily find on the internet or reading the firm's annual report or some other firm related reports. These are situation type questions that add absolutely no value to the client what-so-ever. They don't challenge the client's thinking, processes, ways of doing things or anything else. 

The second category deals with open-ended type questions. These questions, according to one client, sound like a therapist's questions. These questions are what I call fishing questions. These tell me the professional does not have much of a clue or doesn't have the confidence to ask good solid questions. The professional asking these questions wants to find out the client's needs and opinions before making a commitment where they land on certain issues.

• "How are things going for you today?"
• "How do you feel about this?"
• "What has been your reaction to the problem?"
• "Can you tell me more?"
• "What are your issues?"

The third category are questions that I think go into the "just suck" category. They are bad questions that professionals learned in some selling course or some book written by someone with little or no successful sales or consulting experience. Here they are. You will probably recognize these as you were taught to use them and perhaps you do, maybe quite regularly.  I am going to add comments to these questions, specifically comments made by clients.

• "What do you do for fun?" This question I have heard firsthand from a sales person to a client. It's intrusive and is a blatant attempt to find some commonality between the seller and buyer. In my particular case, we were both males and the client wasn't. We were at lunch and it was our first meeting. When I heard the question, which was immediately after discussing some key business issues which we had not yet completely finished, I was shocked. It was a question out of left field. I think she was too. It sounded like the guy was hitting on her. It was a question for the bar scene at least to me. This question I found out was a typical question that clients get asked frequently in some form or another. It's an attempt to build rapport. What kind of rapport? I don't know. I cannot fathom asking this question early in the sales cycle.
• "Who do you report to?" Another version of this is: "Who's your boss?" What this tells the person being asked the question is: You may not like us. Therefore, I want to know who I can appeal to in case you decide against us. Furthermore, you may not be the right person we are talking to. And lastly, I want to move up the food chain because I am important, more important than you.
• "Will you be making the final decision?" This means to the client: Am I talking to the right person? Or am I wasting my time meeting with you? I want to know directly. This is a variation of the question above. It has the same pushy, denigrating effect. 
• "How much money do you have budgeted for this project?" I don't know why, in today's environment, anyone would ask this question. Sure I would like to know too. Several clients told me when they get asked a stupid question like this, the person asking the question deserves an answer that is a lie. They almost all said, if they answered, that they gave an answer much less than they actually budgeted. They also said, it was like going to a used car lot. The sales person when they ask that question always gets a number significantly lower than the amount they intended to spend-and usually the amount was not the most pressing factor.  The other people who didn't provide a fake number said this: I don't have a number in mind. I need the right solution to address the problem. They also said, they loved to watch the sales person squirm when they provided that answer. Some questions are intrusive and accordingly are almost always not deserving of the truth according to one client. Speaking of intrusive. Let's go one question making it's rounds today.
• "What keeps you up at night?" Speaking of weird questions when you come down to it. Is this a question to be asked of a client and not have some undertones or double meaning behind it? One client told me he told his wife a professional sales woman asked him this question and his wife said something that he could not exactly tell me, word for word. But it went something like this: Tell her your sex like is just fine thank you. Or I will." Instead of asking a question like this I believe if you know the client's business, the industry, or client's that have similar issues, you should be telling them what is keeping them up at night. You should be telling them what is their issues. 
• "Who is my competition?" Sorry. But the client doesn't see the other providers they are talking to as your competition. They see these other providers as potential solutions. And frankly, the question has no value to the the client. It only shows the client you are interested in the client's money. It's about you, not the client. Who is my competition shouldn't matter. It's just an answer your boss may ask and you want the answer to because you fear looking ignorant. It is curiosity in some cases. I know, some will make the argument that if you know who the competition is then you can plot traps, build the solution a certain way that the competition can't, price the solution that makes it difficult for the competition and so on. I get that. I understand competitive selling and I think that's admirable, and perhaps important, although I am not convinced it supersedes the best solution for the client. I certainly am not convinced you should ask your client this question. You should find out by some other means-not by being lazy and being direct by asking your client. 
• "Oh you like fishing?" As you look at the huge marlin hanging behind the client's desk. Another rapport building attempt. Client's have told me that they hate these lame questions and several clients say they have taken out of their offices anything that relates to things the like to do or any hobbies they have because of these types of questions from professionals in an attempt to build a friendly schmoozing atmosphere. The same questions go for the pictures behind his or her desk, although I have to say, if there truly is a genuine cord of interest, I have seen where client's do perk up.

With that, I will conclude this writing hoping that you get the message. Questions in the hands of an amateur reveal the amateur's lack of skills. Questions in the hands of a pro demonstrate to the client a sort of thinking and the ability to see around corners that the client understands and has come to appreciate. Questions reveal to the client, if asked properly, things they hadn't considered. And if anything, clients learn more about the person asking the questions, than the person asking the questions learns about the client.